So I get this email from a guy on the fourth of July .. We seem to really hit it off with our likes/dislikes and have soooooo much in common!! I am so excited!! The only downfall is that he is a year younger than me. I then see on his profile that his sign is “Cancer” . So his birthday is this month, we’ll be the same age..There is hope. I don’t know something about me dating a younger guy seemed weird, and I figured that they would be immature.. Boy was I right about this guy.
So we email back and forth for a couple days. He seemed very harmless and he decided for our meet, we should get together at (wait for it ..) a coffee house… ? Really again ?? Okay .. And if things go well he said he would bring popcorn , we could rent a movie and go back to either his place or mine, could also talk / get to know each other more .. I thought okay, seems harmless..
So once again I get glamoured up , arrive 30 mins early at the coffee house, get my iced coffee , and get cozey with my book while I wait for him to arrive. He shows up on time, yay! Go thru the awkward hello, names, stare at each other trying to find the right words to say. . . So we make conversation about work , pets, etc.. Things go pretty well and we decide to go to the video store to rent a movie.
I should have known something was wrong at the store. While browsing the movie selections, a clerk walks up and asks what Tv service provider we used, Satellite or cable? The guy looks at him says , ” Internet.” and walks away while the clerk was mid-sentence.. I then look at the nice clerk and say , ” I’m sorry , we’re not interested, but thank you.”
Looked at my date and said , ” It’s not tha hard to say no thanks, don’t need to just be rude and walk away fom the guy while he’s talking to you . ” He continues to make fun of the clerk.. Whatever… So we pick out a movie, walk to the front to pay , and he dissapeared.. Leaving me to pay for the rental.. EVEN tho it was only 99 cents… He still slyly got out of that … In my head I am screaming, ugh … We leave, go to my house to watch it.. It just continues to go downhill from here . Put the movie in, he of course didn’t bring the popcorn (liar), within 15 minutes he’s already practically sitting right on top of me trying to get me to hold his hand. I look at him and say , ” Are you trying to hold my hand?” He had to have heard the annoyed tone in my voice because he stopped and slinked back a bit.
Long story short Here is a list of what went wrong….. Brace yourselves..
He continued to try and hold my hand, then started kissing the back of my hand. Thinks he’s clever and kisses my cheek, trying to work his way over to my mouth, I then tell him THAT is not going to happen, he is way too pushy/forward for a first date.. He then understands and backs off..For now.
He then showed me one of his many not-so-cute quirks … When he makes a sadface he puts his thumb on his bottom lip, drags it down and whimpers like a lost puppy… He did this 3 damn times.. I just looked at him and thought, ” What in the hell is that and why ?” …
Then when a sexual reference was made on TV, he did the “Schwiiing move” from Waynes World.. After I look at him with worried eyes, he apologized and said, ” I’m sorry it’s programmed into me” .. Oh my god..
So he makes fun of my car because I have a Mercury Mariner SUV, says my kids will love it when I drop them off to soccer practice.. He drives a 2 seater Solstice, said it was his “Quarter-Life-Crisis”…. Whatever.
Says I have no concept of beer, he hangs out with beer snobs and they’ll teach me all about “Good Beer”.. I drink Mich Ultra, have for years.. I don’t want to drink your snobby beer get away from me.
I ask him about his zodiac sign being Cancer and surprise surprise, he will not tell me when his birthday is.. Said it’s been a game with all of his friends, to keep them guessing when it is.. This guy did not seem like a soon to be 27 year old… Maybe i should have made him show me his license to make sure I wasnt providing beer to a minor..
Movie ended, I told him my emotional baggage of my long-term relationship that I just got out of and said , we CANNOT see each other ….
I know I know, i need to grow a pair and just tell these losers right off to get the hell away from me. I think after this date I’ve learned my lesson and will do just that …….